I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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