Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
