My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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