i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
