good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
