last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
