There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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