I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
