i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
nutella sex= disaster
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
