An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
