Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
