Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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