I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
