I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
operation have a gay friend backfired
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
