im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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