i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
