based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
