saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
