we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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