omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
