Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
