Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
