I'm sorry my penis didn't work
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
