The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
