Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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