where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i already hear my dad disowning me
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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