My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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