I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
