We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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