My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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