she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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