sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
