Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
