But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
