Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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