i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
