What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
