i'm signing you up for texting rehab
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
babies were throwing up all over the place
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize