When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
