well I can't set my house on fire every night
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
