so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
