So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
