Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
