he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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