You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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