I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
