We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
