how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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