his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize