He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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