Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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