Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
