she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
