i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
