Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
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