I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
