It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
