I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
