Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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