just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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