He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
