Only a mothe r could love this liver
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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