Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize