I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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