My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
