I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
