It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
