The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My liver just had a heart attack.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
