I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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