420 ftw
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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