Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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