upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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