I like to think it a success when the cops are called
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
