my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
