I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
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